so,
my toddler has been a righteous asshole lately. i was fairly warned, “terrible twos,” they said. feelings for days. happy then sad, then happy again. ups and downs from the moment he gets up to the moment he closes his eyes at night. having a two year old means you as the parent never do anything right. like, ever. for context, yesterday i incorrectly peeled an orange, read a touch and feel book all wrong, and made a smoothie with the incorrect ratio of yogurt to milk. where do i enter my name for mother of the year? each of these horrible mistakes resulted in some truly impressive meltdowns from my son. the waterworks flowed and the only way to soothe this poor child was to pick him up and hold him while he collected himself and, eventually, settled down. as i slowly swayed him from side to side, i reflected on what being a mom means to me. it’s hard to articulate but i find myself pontificating on this every year around mother’s day. i started to think about the “mama sway.” everyone knows the mama sway. it’s the gentle side to side rocking that’s universal in it’s effect of calming children young and old. no one teaches it to you. there isn’t a book on it or a youtube tutorial, you just know it. and it’s like a switch that’s activated when a weary child is placed in your arms. i’ve been swaying that sway since i was a little girl holding my baby sister, margaret. and i have dreamed of swaying my own children for as long as i can remember. for several years i had the privilege of swaying other people’s babies, acting as a stand-in mama. at times it felt like i swayed half of wauwatosa’s children while i was babysitting or nannying. further down the road, i rocked my students when they fell on the playground or became overcome with big feelings. and these days, i get to rock my own babies. my dream come true. because of this, it doesn’t bother me when doug needs a cuddle to calm down (although i’m calling bullshit on the orange thing. i know how to peel a clementine, dammit.). i don’t mind when char gets up for the 3737483298th time during the night wanting to eat and snuggle. these are moments for which i’ve prayed. these are moments that make me want to have more children despite truly disliking pregnancy. they are the sweet and tender moments no tells you about. the quiet pauses when all your child needs is you and a little sway. i like to think about all the moms around the world doing the mama sway. different countries, different languages, different backgrounds and religions and beliefs. all of us swaying our babies to sleep. i’m thankful to get to experience such moments. i’m grateful for those who swayed me when i was a child. i’m grateful for those who have shared their children with me over the years. loving them prepared me to love my own kids better. whoever you’re swaying this mother’s day, know that you are adored and valued and appreciated. you are worthy of respect and love and an uninterrupted trip to the bathroom. and if your arms are empty on this day, know that i see you and i am holding you in my heart. happy mother’s day, moms. here’s to us. xo
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