hi friends!
i hope you are well. also, i just had the best weekend. my mom and sister were in town and we had a blast romping around cincinnati, eating WAY too much, and just today: spending some time in first and second grade. my sister margaret is a sophomore at miami and i must say that there was a tiny pang of jealousy as she headed back today. oxford was my home for a long time and i feel incredibly connected to that corner of the universe even still. after she left i got to thinking about what my life was like when i was 19. don't laugh, i'm no grandma, i know it wasn't that long ago. but it's funny i feel so different today than i did as a sophomore in college. what's funnier is that things aren't altogether that different from what i imagined i'd be doing my first year out of school. i'm teaching. i'm living in a home with a million mason jars. i have a dog. i'm still addicted to diet coke and fried pickles. if i had to pinpoint the biggest difference between the "me" i am now and the "me" 4 years ago i could tell you what it is in one word: responsibility. i have responsibilities today i have never had before. there are the obvious ones: bills, rent, tax forms, etc. but the greatest responsibilities i have can't be found in a monthly bill or excel document used to plan my budget (labeled: "gotta eat," "gotta drive," "gotta live somewhere," and "gotta save" *in order of importance). no, my greatest responsibilities are the 18 little people who count on me every day. i used to wonder when it was that we really "grow up." when i was 13, i thought it was when you first had to shave your legs. when i was 16, i thought it was when you went to college. when i was 19, i thought it was when you got a job. now, i realize that you grow up when you are in charge of someone or something that depends on you. when someone needs you for things they can't do themselves. when that weight is on your shoulders--that's when you become a grown up. how scary is that? but at the same time, how ridiculously amazing is that? sometimes it's hard. really hard. everyone has their own storms that they battle. sometimes they make big waves and cause a scene with their thunder. sometimes they are quiet storms no one knows about. and sometimes, as a wise man once told me, people make their own rain. whatever the storm may be on any given day, i have to remember that i'm the grown up now. and i have 18 sailors who need me to help steer their ships. i'm needed. and so i have to show up. and i will. everyday. because i'm a grown up. and you know what? it's pretty friggin awesome. loving all of grown ups in my life who i depend on and adore. ld
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