when i was a child, and something awful happened, my mom always told me:
god never wastes a hurt. today, i am hurting. i am heartbroken. i am sad. a teacher at my school passed away unexpectedly from an aortic aneurysm last night. she was 24. she is 24. she IS 24. i saw her yesterday. i talked to her yesterday. she was here YESTERDAY. and today she's not. i spent a good part of today looking for resources explaining loss to a child. books. activities. songs. it felt wrong. it felt surreal. how do you explain to a child that someone who was here yesterday is gone today? how can you be strong when you feel so broken? how can you carry on when it feels like the world has stopped? i got the call early this morning. school was cancelled. the staff arrived as usual. and we wept. and we mourned. and we prayed. and even though things are horrible being there was, in a way, beautiful. and yet, i still cried. i cried because it's not fair. i cried because i miss her. i cried for her family. i cried for our school. i cried for her students. i cried because awful things make me long for my family. my mom and my dad and my sisters and drew. i cried because 24 is not when people are supposed to pass. i cried because our bodies are human and fail us, even when we think they're strong. i cried because it hurts. it hurts so so much. i do not understand what has happened. and i don't know that i ever will. but what i do know is this: god never wastes a hurt. and we will carry on. and we will hold on to each other. because that's what you do when things are awful. and it won't hurt forever. i can think of no better testament to her life than the kiddos in whom she invested. they will remain. and so will she.
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